POEM FOR ELEGUÁ
Believe me, I’m dealing with the ragged aroma. Ways of waiting are known to me as the miracle he and you promised. My lapse into uncontrolled remembering is the symptom of a nine month fever, my animal system. In bed, healing, I am still wondering where Eleguá is and the color of his shells, how he might trick the violence that is always landing. There isn’t a projection of machinery like there used to be. It’s full of lights, individual, unarmed. When the lover is also the defense and constellating of survival, surfaces in contact, folding.
When I exist,
I am complicit.
the worth of a moment.
I’m also afraid of spiders. Where is the license for instrumentalizing? I keep showing you: the delays are getting to me, more and more. If I told you I needed a worth of images, would you tell me I’m losing it? This is no way to excite a lady. The cold mimeograph of my dim certainty for plant-life: always waiting.
If Eleguá’s hair
is thick and separate
THAT SHOULD FEEL REALLY GOOD
Good evening, this is Marie again with you and this video is going to be completely dedicated to your relaxation. In this video I’m going to use my 3D microphone for a full effect of my presence with you in this video. I’m going to be doing different things around the viewer, or yourself, to hopefully fall asleep faster or make you feel more relaxed, at peace, and ready for your night’s sleep.
I guess we’ll start with the loudest part of the video and that is the tapping. And that is gonna—I have my wonder brush and it’s—I truly enjoy the sound of it when you run your fingers over it, over the bristles; actually feels—nice, as well as sounds nice. And if you can tap, right on the edge, just like it sounds. Quite relaxing. So I could do that from here, on one side, for you, and then the same on the other side. Run my fingers through the bristles with gentle tapping. That might feel really good. The tapping sounds remind me of the sound of the rain, something gentle. I like it. I also like the sounds of brushing.
So now, if you want to completely relax, I would like to blow smoke into you. Just a moment. Now I have this wonderful oil warmer and lilac fragrance oil, warming oil, and sometimes when you want to relax you just put a few drops in the—this holder, candle holder; it’s made out of real stone and it’s not that hot, it’s not very heavy, but the top part is hot, because the candle is positioned just under the top part that actually warms up the oil, and this creates the fragrance and a little bit of smoke. So right now I’m going to blow it into you to help fully create an aura and atmosphere of magic and tranquility. I’m going to blow it to you from ear to ear, starting from here. Now the other ear, blowing gently all around you, covering you in the smoke. Now I’m gonna go around to hopefully get your mind clouded. I’m gonna blow smoke all around you: from your head on top to the back of your neck, to your spine, now to the other side, now again to the front. Sometimes its very nice to get very relaxed by breathing in the aroma of the warming oils, especially when the smoke is not so bad; it’s not so harsh, the smell is very mild, barely noticeable really.
So, I’m gonna put it down for now, and now I want you to look into my eyes as I’m gonna be massaging your temples on each side, helping you relax further away, helping you drift away—as long as you trust me. As I rub your temples from side to side, in clockwise direction, I want you to imagine a happy place of yours where nothing bad is. It’s your happy place. It doesn’t have to be a real place: you can fantasize and create your own place, it can be heaven, it can be under the tree next to your house, it can be in your little personal garden. I’m going to scratch your scalp a little bit, just like so, massaging your skin, tugging on the hair a little bit—if you let me. Sometimes we all come from work tired, or from school, or after we finish with the housework, and we come home and want to relax and want to find someone to pet us on the head and say how good we are. We want someone to comfort us, to tell us that we’re so great, that we’re appreciated. You are appreciated: I would like to be that place for you right now. I would like to protect you, to comfort you, to help you relax and forget about your trouble, whatever it is. I’ll just scratch behind your ear right here and on the top of the head. I’ll scratch right around your head. Mhmmm, that should feel good. That might release some tension from your body and from your soul, from your mind, help you relax, fall asleep, feel protected and safe. And on the other side, the same thing. I’m gonna scratch on top of your head, behind your ear again. That should feel really good, doesn’t it?
That should feel like nothing matters anymore. This is your moment to relax: to let go, to forget, and in the back of your head too.
Okay, now I’m going to gently massage the back of your head and the back of your shoulders. I’m gonna squeeze the muscle and I’m going to let it go, releasing any tension that could be in your shoulders, in your upper back. It should feel really good. So if you let me we’ll start from the side. There you go. I’m going to squeeze the muscle and let it go and then gently rub it between my hands, back and forth. That should be quite pleasant. That should help you relax further. Help you, hopefully, get rid of any aches that you might have. Squeezing the muscle and letting it go. Again squeezing it and letting it go. Very well. And I’m gonna do the same thing with the other side, if you don’t mind. Same thing. Squeezing your shoulder muscle. It’s so tight. We’re gonna work at it. Squeezing it with both of my hands, pressing it hard but gentle, and then letting it go. Just like so. That should feel really good. You should feel relaxed. Again squeezing it and letting it go. I hope you feel relaxed. I hope you feel at peace. I hope you feel like you’re ready to sleep soon.
And for the end, I’m going to tickle you a little bit. I’m hoping that might send you tingles down your—down your spine. Sometimes, when somebody tickles you with a feather, the touch of the feather can be so ticklish, but in a good way. If it’s with good intentions, it could actually calm you down. So if you don’t mind, I would like to run this feather along your face, gently, barely touching, just a little bit. It might tickle just slightly, but not hard, just a little bit. Running it along the side and then on your cheeks, into your chin, into your neck. Same thing on the other side: running it over your forehead, over your eyes, gently, over your cheek. Each feather touching your skin sends you chills: over your neck and then on your forehead, around your eyes, over your nose, over your cheek, over your lips, your chin. I’m hoping you’re enjoying this. I’m hoping that this might help you relax. Help you go to sleep faster. I can tickle your ear, just a little bit, just slightly if you let me. Just slightly. The other ear. That might tickle you just a little bit.
So now, I want you to forget about everything. Try to feel happy. Try to feel like you’re ready to drift away. Try to imagine your happy place. Go to it. Don’t worry about anything. Everything is going to be alright. Sleep. Sleep. Have a good night. Sweet dreams. Sleep. Sleep.
GABRIEL OJEDA-SAGUE is a latino queer Leo living in Philadelphia, PA. His work has been published in Open House, Assaracus, TINGE, Gone Lawn, Cleaver Magazine, and APIARY Magazine, among others. He is the author of the chapbooks JOGS, a conceptual re-writing of the 1977 book “The Joy of Gay Sex,” and Nite [Chickadee]’s (GaussPDF, 2015), a collection of Cher’s tweets on systematic racism and violence.